Last Sunday I went to church. I had just finished delivering a weekend program to 58 participants and it was holy fire. Spending the weekend bringing an avid group of willing folk into direct conversations with the Soul is like nothing else. 

When we finished the call at 5pm on Sunday, there was nothing left to do but take myself to this holy sanctuary. I walked in just as the service was finishing. I sat at the back as everyone made their departure, and then took a place in the front row. There were still some people lingering at the back and the priest could see that I was coming to be in prayer so he very intuitively put some music on so that I could be there in a good way.

The church was alight with music and the holy and in that moment it became the temple. I sat and wept. Tears rolled down my face like a spring that is full. I was totally broken open by the alignment of all things. The weekend that I’d just had the immense fortune of guiding, the priest who knew without words how to honour the presence of the holy.

So simple, so innocent. As I sat at the altar of God, I had a vision of the Magdalene women, the lover women. The ones so dripping in their devotion to the mystery, that they lay themselves down at the altar to god.

This is the feminine eros. My whole being alive. In my tears, I was in ecstasy. In the unfurling of my feminine emotion, running wildly, freely, without any inhibition, I was touching God in my flesh.

I came to see how us women, in the absence of our innate connection to the mystery, have lost our way without our innate feminine eros. We give ourselves in devotion to the false god, the men who do not know the goddess in themselves and therefore can not honour our innate natural and organic desire to devote ourselves. 

And we women have no concept of the magnitude of our innate spiritual essence and give it away like a commodity. We don’t value our desire as holy. I saw the Magdalene women, all returning to the altar of God, coming to know themselves as devotees of the mystery. 

This is the union we seek. This is the beloved embrace. It is this and only this that can fill us with the fullness of what we most deeply long for. As I sat in that church I had visions of marriage, of union. I had visions of standing at that altar in matrimony to my King.

My whole being was full with the ecstasy of life. Not because I was having a childlike fantasy of getting married, but because in that moment I was touching the love of God. I was being infused with the frequency of divine love.

I was touching God.

I was touching the holy.