TRANSCRIPT:

My love, you’re not alone.

I am desperately hungry for Mother Love, all day every day.

So 100% in the breaking down, there’s a coming home to the reality of what is living in your body which is completely the journey of feminine initiation. When we bridge that divide and then come into relationship with what’s in the underbelly. That massive, massive step of initiatory process most people never get below here. And they never, never, never, never address what’s going on in the body. So the fact that it’s coming through with such depth, I see it as a beautiful affirmation of the relational, physical, spiritual journey, your feminine journey.

But when you’re in it, and you’re in it to the depths that you’re in it, it is overwhelming, and we can get sucked into the intensity of it, rather than seeing the bigger picture on it.

So I’m here seeing the bigger picture of you.

As as you’re there in the depths, and I’m here seeing, holding the arms of the mother for you.
As you’re swimming in the depths, because I’m meeting you where you’re at, where each and every one of you are at, and so this is where you’re at, and so you’re totally welcome to be here in this moment in this way, and I will support you through it. Also I think if you really give yourself permission to go there, like you are, and if you really show up in this way that you are now, my feeling is might not be as drastic or last as long as you think it will. But I don’t know. And equally, if it does last six months to a year then that’s also totally fine as well. But just the permission to just be like: “I’m a snotty mess right now, and this is all I’m capable of.”And just sticking to that, and going to the ocean,and aligning with the ocean, and being in the mother cave for however long you need. Then that is all you can do. And as we do this, just keep feeding into the group as a support for you. Because my feeling is, I know you have other things going on. And also at the moment you need as much support as as you can get. My feeling, correct me if I’m wrong, so lean into us for that support. We love you. You’re part of this circle.

This is the most spiritual moment that we can have, right?

The feminine is so misunderstood that as women we don’t even understand it ourselves. It’s crazy-making because it’s the whole rewiring of complete consciousness to the feminine principle. This is the feminine principle speaking through you right now. You’re on a journey of deep feminine initiation. You are in the depths of the feminine right now. This is the most spiritual moment that you can have on this journey. Snotty mess right down on the floor. You’re in the deep feminine right now.

This is the thing, right? I bet you’re imagining, correct me if I’m wrong, but the feminine is soft, and she’s a goddess and she floats along the surface of the world. And she’s always loving and giving and she pouts at the men and she’s just so beautiful and… NO! That is the distortion of feminine. You being in the totality of your feeling, the rage and the grief and… that is the deep feminine. The deep feminine touches into the deepest part of the unconscious, the unconscious, the unconscious.

And then when we can touch that place in an embodied way as you’re touching right now in this breakdown, it’s ultimately our place of our deepest liberation. Yeah, you’re so on the pulse right now. I’d give you 10 gold stars.

So even though it feels really fucking shit right now, the ego will thrash and thrash and thrash and thrash against this and your ego has done that for the last 10 years. And now it’s like no, the feminine she’s revealing to us. The part of us that wants to control is like “uh uh” and so she’s revealing to you in this moment: “Oh my god. I’ve haven’t had any boundaries. And I put everybody’s needs first and look what’s happened to my body.” She’s revealing to you that that has to stop. “I’ve been giving giving giving from a dried up well. My well has been dry.” So this is where the journey begins.

This is it. This is your homecoming: “My well is fucking dry.”

And that’s perfect because you’re gonna have to start giving it to yourself. So yes, go to the ocean. When you’re at the ocean. What does she tell you? What do you feel and experience?

Walking the feminine path, the source is in the natural world. So let me tell you a story:

When I went through my heartbreak, which I’ve been through in the last two years as an initiation. When I first went through my heartbreak, when the separation first happened. I was so broken. For two weeks I was in a state of freeze and I knew I was in a state of freeze because I know my system but I couldn’t get myself out of a state of freeze. I was just in a state of freeze.

Every day I would walk down to the lake where I lived, I had a lake on where I was living. And I would eat breakfast, barely. And then I would put on my hat and I would put on my sunglasses and I would walk down to the lake and just sit at the lake. And then I’d come back from the lake and then I’d do my thing and then the next day I’d go down to the lake. And after about 10 days of going down to the lake every day and sitting by the lake. I was in a deep state of freeze, and deep state of abandonment. And I knew what was happening so I was just letting it happen, because I knew I couldn’t override anything. I just knew that this needed to work out of my system. So I was just letting it happen. So I had a self-aware ego, I had a centre that knew: “This is uncomfortable. This isn’t how I identify. This isn’t my normal state but this is what’s arising in my system right now. And so there’s nothing else I can do other than let this play out through my system.” So I’d do this practice of going down to the lake and seeing the lake.

And then after 10 days, I was just sitting at the lake and I just started to see the leaves bouncing on the trees, and the wind bouncing the leaves and the trees and in my deep state of freeze and abandonment. I was just like: “Oh, you’re there.” And then my whole system started to unfreeze because I knew I was receiving the transmission from Earth that there actually isn’t any abandonment, that she’s there.

And so then my whole system started to just melt because I started to receive: “Oh, look, there is no abandonment, because you’re here.” I mean, my story is very different from yours. So I’m just really reiterating to you just the power of the natural world that when we’re in these places, that was the only process that I could do for two weeks, was just go down to the lake and sit at the side of the lake and let the sun pierce my body. And then as I did that, and as I allowed myself to do that, and I didn’t put any pressure on myself to do anything else. I received this transmission from the natural world and that was probably one of the deepest healings I’ve ever had in my life.

Because it completely cracked my psyche and it doesn’t matter what happens. It doesn’t matter who I love and who leaves. It doesn’t matter who dies, because she’s there. And I knew that as a concept before but I had never felt it. It went in on a somatic level because it was the place where the world met my nervous system. And that moment was the deepest healing that I could ever have. So please just keep going down to the ocean. That’s your practice.