Trusting Men

July 19, 2023
Kate Joyner

This week I’m embarking on a new voyage. I’ve signed up for a yearlong training in Sacred Intimacy and Sexual Polarity. It’s a mixed gender space for men and women to come together over the course of year to learn the art of sacred and polarised relating.

I feel a deep exhale as I step into this container. The feminine in me longs to have a space where I can bring my full deep feminine expression, not be demonised and be fully received by men who are willing to cultivate the presence of their masculine pole. 

I can feel the part in me (and judgement from others), that is like this underlying fear of “ooh, you’re going into a space with men, how do you know they are going to be trustworthy?” 

And the truth is, I don’t.
I don’t know anything about the men who will be in this container. 

But what I do know is that I trust myself. And if I can trust myself then each and every person is free to do and be who and what they are.

As I have learnt the ways of the feminine over the last 12 years, there has been a natural and innate longing to be able to relate to the opposite sex. It’s just the way we are designed. It’s nature. Too often I feel the taboo and slightly underground edge between men and women wanting to lean into intimacy. I feel a great chasm of mistrust and outdated projection that has us calcified in outworn ways of relating. Men not trusting women, women not trusting men. All of this is rooted in fear.

Now, there are real and factual horrors still being perpetuated across the globe, and the memory of our forced separation lives very much within the collective psyche. But I feel that the only way we are going to tear down this great wall of separation and forge a new path where we can let ourselves have what we are all deeply, secretly yearning for, is if we are all willing to heal those wounds, lay down the defences and give it a go.

I don’t doubt that there will be edges to meet in this container and I don’t doubt that every person rocking up is more than capable of owning where they are out of alignment, in service of deepening into love and consciousness. Really that’s all we can ever do.

There is no perfection, there is no not getting it wrong. We are going to fuck up time and time again, we are going to hurt each other, step on each others’ toes, make a mess, get it so wrong and all we can ever do is BE WILLING: willing to make a mess, willing to repair, apologise, learn, grow, heal, willing to keep our hearts open, WILLING TO CHOOSE LOVE OVER FEAR.

Because, I ask you, what is the cost of not entering into conscious practice of sacred relationship with another? What is the cost of not allowing yourself to reveal the depths of your soul’s ache for another’s embrace? What if you could learn to do that with such skill that instead of losing yourself, you own yourself?

Instead of hiding this innate desire, we own the quivering truth that’s underneath all of the masks of protection we’ve had to put up for the sake of a false comfort. 

Time and time again I hear stories of women holding men in suspicion. I have been on the receiving end of men who have held me in suspicion. It’s so painful when we miss each other. What if the man not texting back has nothing to do with you but the absolute terror and tenderness of what is being opened within him? What if his mistake is something he’s willing to learn from if you were to simply allow yourself to express how you feel. What if he’s not getting it wrong because he’s a bad person but because he is just as lost as you are? What if all of the patterns can be re-learnt when we learn the sacred art of communicating who and what we are, so that the other, through trial and error can learn you, to the core of you.

If this is your yearning, I invite you to let grace be the wings that carry you. May you find the grace to speak your unwavering truth with love.

Grace to forgive, to reveal, to own what is yours, to hand back what is not
Grace to let life and love move through you
Grace to be perfect and imperfect all at the same time

I want to say that from here on in I resign any participation in perpetuating the war of the sexes. I’m not willing to participate in a paradigm of spiritual, emotional degradation that has us living in a state of separation. It’s not how it’s meant to be. 

I’m not willing to belittle, shame or make men wrong for not being…

I hand in my notice to that paradigm. I’m breaking up with it.

I hand in and resign my position at the brainwashing that wants to destroy the sanctuary and sacredness of union. 

To arrive at the gate of the holy temple of love is a JOURNEY. I’m not saying it’s easy but it requires that we take full responsibility and stop projecting our relationship fuck-ups on the opposite sex. It requires that we look deep within, where all of the relationship fuck-ups are asking us to heal. Relationships are our mirror. 

I have walked with death all of my life and what I know to be true deep in my bones is that the only thing that matters is love. At the end of your days, the only thing that is left is how well you loved and were loved.  

When we give ourselves to love, the rest follows. 

Love is the foundation of any true soulful blossoming. 

Love is all there is.

The deepest freedom is found in love. 

May we all remember this truth.

If you’d like to devote yourself to a new way of living, where we own and trust ourselves, then please feel free to join the waitlist for our upcoming journeys.

You’ll get 10% off when we open the doors, plus some magical bonuses.

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