Ever since I was 18 I said:
“I want to be a complete circle and then meet with a complete circle and that the meeting of the two circles is the almond that lies in the middle.”
I don’t know where I got this wisdom from at the time. I’d come from a family where that was not the case. My parents were divorced when I was 9 and I hadn’t received any modelling of what being a complete circle looked like let alone in relationship.
Then at 29 I met my former husband. We were madly in love and married very soon after we met and I sincerely believed that he was the one I would spend my life with. Think beach romance and hot passion with a beautiful heart, it was all of that.
As quickly as we were married we were separated, because something in me knew that at that point, even though I had been through a lot of therapy and personal developmental work, I was still half a circle and I was looking for him to complete me.
It was a very confusing time for me, a crisis of the deepest kind. Here was a man who was amazing and wanted to offer me the life I thought I wanted and was ready for, only to discover that was not the case. After a few confusing months, therapy and beginning to dip my toes in women’s work, I knew that I had to let go and traverse the unknown.
I was being called to enter into an unchartered territory in the realm of who I was as a woman and all of the questions about love.
Over the last 10 years, that territory has lead me to far corners of the globe as well as deep recesses of my psyche to discover what I could know about being a woman. I’ve had to rewire all of the inherited beliefs and conditioning, unravel layers of trauma in my system, learn how to become an alchemist of my own psyche, weave myself back into the wild.
What I can say now is back then I wasn’t rooted in source. I was a woman looking for love to fulfil my disconnect from the wellspring of love within myself. hence feeling like half of a circle.
The current condition of the feminine psyche is that our blueprint is severed and fractured. We have inherited a long line of disconnect and we are only just at the beginning of rewiring our internal blueprint to one of health and wholeness that can lead to the full emanation of our embodied love, which is our truest and deepest spiritual essence.
We are at a point in time where we need to relay the foundation of love within ourselves, from our current severed disconnected state that has us perpetuating a life of uprootedness and alienation from the very source from where we have come.
Reinstating the foundation of the feminine blueprint is the journey we must take.